I have learned a few basic concepts along the journey of life.  One is that somewhere in between two sides of a story is the truth and both versions are factual to their authors through the eye of perception.

When I receive an email from a teacher telling me my kid has been rude or disrespectful my initial response is one of concern.  I assure the teacher this sort of behavior will not be tolerated and that they have my support.

By the time I’ve heard my kid’s account of what occurred, I am on the defense and ready to attack, motherly claws fully extracted (I might have even made a few teachers cry and one quit, but thats another story).

I do tell my kids when in these circumstances that their lives will be full of relationships that have conflicts – school, sports, neighborhood, work etc.  As much as I am their greatest defender, ready to fight to the death for them, I also have to enable them to fight their own battles.

In a way this is one of the toughest challenges of parenting.  I feel we are very much in a culture now that has produced accommodated children who expect a lot for a little.  I can remember when my oldest was very young, pushing him in a shopping cart through a store and noticing something on the shelf he would like.  Before I could reach for it, he pointed and asked for it.  I said, Oh honey, I wish you hadn’t asked for it – I wanted to get it for you but you have to learn not to ask and expect – now if I get it you’ll think you can have everything you want.

That was hard for both of us.

Today I want to write a scathing email back to one of his teachers.  Ok, I mightve actually already wrote it, and I want to send it.  But I talked to him about it.  I want us to make the decision together and I want to put some of it on him.

I told him sometimes you have to work the system.  It is not always about being right or wrong.  It is not always about appearing to win.  Ask yourself what we might accomplish.   Silence is at times the victor.  I told him to learn how to change the perception of him if it is false, and to alter his mannerisms.

If you think about it, highschool is the ultimate training tool for life – seven different teachers, and hundreds of classmates.  Soooo many personalities.  Most of the teachers want to be in charge, that’s their job.  They have hundreds of different characters to try to control and get through their lessons as quickly as possible to move on to the next class.

They might make the logical assumption that a mumble under one’s breath is a rude comment, but maybe it was a prayer?  Maybe the kids talks to themselves to manage stress?  What they think is less important than how you react to them.  This will happen again and again in your lifetime, so, figure out how to not let it beat you.

So while all the other mommies are running to the school to say  “You were mean to my kid” or “Make things easier for him” – I’m looking at my kid and saying “Today we are faced with the age old problem of an a$$hole.  It will not be the last time you deal with this.  The world is full of them, a) don’t be one of them and b) don’t let them bother you.  Use it as a tool to make you stronger.”

So yea, you can tell yourself, “That person is a tool”

😉 Done.