Oct 2015 is the 5 yr anniversary of my first Marathon. Oct 2014 was the 5 yr anniversary of my first race. I remember going into that first race (Army 10 miler) having never run more than 5 miles in my life and having really not trained at all, being certain there was no way I could do it….look at my crazy ass now.
I do a minimum of 4 races per year, with at least one full and one ultra. One year I did 10 (too many), but I usually average around 5, with one or two fulls and one or two ultra. This year will be 2 fulls, 2 ultra and one half.
Closing out 2015 I will have done:
– 4 5ks
– 2 8ks
– 5 10 milers
– 12 halves
– 8 fulls,
– 4 50ks
– 2 50 milers
– hopefully my first 100k (38 races totaling 728 miles)
Still no 100 milers and likely no BQ (unless Wineglass works out – as it is a qualifier).
Point is – and someone reminded me of this, this am. My latest tattoo means “though I have not yet achieved my goals and am not who/where I should be, I press on”
I have to press on.
Good thing I have the rest of my life to achieve those goals. And that leads me to some non running type info.
The past week has been literally the hardest of my life. Probably closer to 2 wks.
Regret is a worthless emotion. I remember a younger, naive version of myself that truly said she had none of these, frankly because I’d yet to experience life. Now I have so many [regrets].
The way to process this worthless emotion is to know that spending precious time wishing for the power to do things different or better is indeed a waste given that the person who you were at the time of the mistake was less wise than the person you are now.
All the shit we go through in life can makes us bitter or better, depending on how we learn from it and process it.
I set up these race schedules every year and I’m not sure exactly why, but challenge is one of the very basic things we can crave and enjoy in life – preparing for them gives life meaning and accomplishing them is satisfying, particularly when you are rewarded or recognized for it.
In the same way, I am now faced with my greatest challenge ever. Its almost been a 15 year long endurance race. It is my marriage. It is my family. It is my life. And I refuse to fail.
God help me please. I cant do this without you. Im focusing on me: my health, my spiritual strength, mental clarity, jobs – relationships. The better me that I am the better part of any relationship I can be – and with that – I have to just trust and have no fear.

2015 – let this be the yr you do something you have never done.
I plan to save my fucking marriage. Or let him go gracefully. However I am lead and whatever is meant to be. In a faithful, loving, better, not bitter spirit.
Beauty.

Luke 1:37
Mark 10: 27
Phil 4:13