No, I mean it.

Merry Christmas, 2023.  Sipping my cold coffee – turkey is on the smoker, most things are already fixed and just need to be heated.  Thinking.

I’m not the best communicator, but I try.  Or so I have surmised over the years, it appears that not everyone ‘Speaks Kirsten’.

There is no part of me that has the energy or interest to participate in any sort of conflict anymore.  Not that I necessarily did previously, but I certainly wanted to ‘win’ and in some cases that would mean an argument.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be able to convince people of things, if it’s a thing that I think is important (in either work or personal life).  I want the audience to believe, understand, and [for the sake of resolution of things that are important] agree with me. 

This is the current state of my being as a culmination of a whole lifetime, of course, but really, the last couple years was so tumultuous, that I have achieved conflict avoidance to a whole new level.

I know what it feels like to be listened to; admired; respected and needed.  I also know exactly what it feels like to have people not only disagree, but vehemently oppose every noise that comes out of my face – even when we both know its right  – just to either, a) support a narrative that I am less important than them or b) find a way to reappropriate whatever I came up with as their own. I’ve experienced toxicity of a whole other level. Its gross and I won’t do that again – ever. I’d rather wait tables at a diner in Europe.

You’ll have to just take my word for it.

So I had a choice to either float along in a place [after making significant changes] where I was likely secure until retirement, because I was valued [by a few of the right people] but also had been placed inside of a safe little spot where I wouldn’t cause anymore [necessary but disruptive] resistance or discomfort – or – take on a whole new challenge of greater responsibility.  And this new challenge would be very similar to something I had done before, so, I could likely use that experience to do it even better than last time.

I thought – I just did the biggest, coolest thing I will ever do – then I got to do another equally challenging and pretty significant thing and now BOOM – I get to do ONE MORE! Something I wasn’t even looking for.

One of the people I admire the most in business said, “You’re at the TOP of your game. You’re going to crush this!”

This may not be as easy a choice as it seems – for me – although I really did make it impulsively without pause.

I don’t regret that, though part of me still has fleeting moments of at least considering what I walked away from.

That said, Here I now am.  I’ll take it moment by moment, and chapter by chapter.

I know you are supposed to go into a new thing with open eyes and ears – observing and learning, while you plan. And I absolutely am.  Its best to avoid my tendency to do things very quickly before I really get a lay of the land.  This will be a daily challenge and I actually sense the expectation is that I will make rapid and significant changes.  So, yeah.

I’ve been doing blog/journal-posts for many years. But since I started, for the millionth time, to write my book, and got further than I’d ever gotten before, I have been taking these little blog moments and finding a way to work them into said book.  This post however, is just going to live right here on my site that 5 or 6 people visit.

2024, you’re almost here.

I will take a deep breath.  Resist taking anything personally.  Take a moment to start and end each day on a note of thanks.  And, learn to diffuse conflict while examining my purpose and finding a way to get the right messages heard and accepted.

We can’t take away anything that has already happened, but we can certainly decide if we’ll put those moments behind us as a historic artifact, or in front of us as a stepping stone.

Be well,

KSR

** AI was not used in this or any post I have ever written – but – I do find it is a useful tool for me to have conversations with to learn how to have my thoughts read back to me to practice being a better communicator 😀