kirsten's thoughts, mostly running-related

Just another blog ~ some helpful stuff ~ some feelings etc

Tag: endurance (Page 1 of 2)

ultra#12 – Thank you sir, may I have another

April 22, 2018 /

OK first, lets start here…

FAQ:

faq2

That about covers that stuff I get asked all the time.

Here is what happened yesterday.

The setting is a trail once used by the CIA to train cadets, before it was the CIA (OSS) and adjacent to where Marines and FBI are trained today.

After a week  of not eating or sleeping properly on a trip to the West Coast, I landed then headed to the race.  So in my head it was only 4am when it started and I don’t sleep on planes so I hadn’t slept since Thu.

I started training for this race beginning of Nov.  I trained 5 or 6 days per week for three months and was just starting to feel like I was in a groove and making progress.  My goal was to get a new PR.  Then on the first day of February, I deadlifted 175 lbs.  I have no business doing such a  thing and I paid the price (sciatica). <ouch man

Here’s the thing about that, I think my trainer and I share responsibility in the foolish move that I ended up paying the price for.    I mean, I did say, No, I cant (after two pulls) and he said, Do it.  And I did.  And then, I just kept working out.

I could have stopped.  And during the weeks of significant pain that followed, I could have done more stretching, then worked from that to push ups then squats,  and been strict with my nutrition etc but I didn’t – I got depressed and gained weight and got wicked out of shape.

So ironically all that workingout lead to me being  less prepared rather than more.

It was 5 years ago, on the day, I did a Bad To The Bone series 50k.  It was very hard (it is on a mountain).  Until yesterday, it was my slowest 50k finish, at 10 hrs.  BTTB races have waist high water and significant elevation.  I ran that one an hour faster than the one yesterday.  In fact, this is the slowest of 9 50ks Ive ever done, all on tough courses.

Loop one I was fine.  I finished it feeling like I was possibly going to do 8 or more (each loop is 10k so 8 loops is 50 miles).  Loop two the sciatica started talking to me.   First a whisper, then a shout.  It’s the first sensation of pain it’d given me for weeks.  I thought I was healed.  Maybe something like that never fully goes away though and can be aggravated  and if ever I was going to exacerbate it, I guess running on choppy terrain on no sleep w no training, would be the way.

I however, was not going to at least do 5 loops so it would still be an ultra.  Midway through loop 4, I wasn’t sure I could do one more.  Every step I took on the left side felt like what I imagine being stabbed with a knife would feel like.  And if I have learned one thing in ultra-running, it is that if you start favoring one side, something will go wrong on the other side (100% true).

Sure enough, I started feeling bad in a few different places.  But the trail quality was perfect and the weather could not have been better and the best part, I hadn’t fallen (huge for me – long story).   Probably because I was going so slow, but still.  For perspective on the speed, I can run a 10k in an hour or less.  I was doing these loops in about 90 mins, taking about a 10 minute break after each loop by the time you add up grabbing food and doing first aid and using the facilities (not to gross you out but my stomach was a disaster the whole time and its that time of the month on top of all that).  Woohoo!

So I end loop 4 (marathon distance) and I just keep on going.  As I said, it was a perfect day – and all the beauty of it overwrote the discomfort…

trailbeauty

Loop 5 wasn’t that bad.  By the way, it’s a lollipop loop, so after you head up the base, you can go left or right.  Most people choose right, because they find its easier to do the majority of the climbing on fresher legs then zoom downhill to the finish.  This  really makes sense and I should have done it but I got this thing in my head a long time ago (Ive done this race 4 times) that I want to go in the same direction every time and since I went left the first time, it’s the only way I go.

When I finished loop 5, I knew I could do more.  Alex, the RD, he knew it too, and told me he wouldn’t cut my timer chip off.  Technically I could have rested and gone back out.  Afterall, its whatever you can do in 24 hours, and I’d only been  our there 11.  I had 13 more hours to go.  Maybe if I rested, or had a crew (aka nitro coffee) or took a few advil, I could knock out a few more loops.  But I wanted to be in my bed for the first time in a week and I wanted to see my doggie and just be home.  So I cut the chip off myself.

So Athletic Equation Trail Race #6 done.  By far my favorite Trail Race series of all.  Cant say enough about the crew and amenities and course.  Love it

Final message, If I can do that, in the shape and condition I was in, anyone can.

And yes, I just signed up for my next one!!

a heck of a week

April 8, 2017 /

This week started with me losing three precious rings. Valuable and irreplaceable. Poof gone. And that sucks emotionally and financially. And I filed with my homeowners/renters (Im both right now – long story) – and its under investigation (another long story). I don’t feel like getting into the details, but that is a good summary and Im trying (to find and/or replace them). – now I just WAIT AND SEE.

Meanwhile, my youngest, Justin had some challenges happen to him in school and again without going into all the details, that would take forever, we’re doing all that we can and WAITING AND SEEING with him too.

Next his brother had something occur that will be very costly, and again, sans details, trust me when I say – Ive already fully exhausted all the ideas and we’re doing what we’re doing and it is what it is.

*Insert all the bible references here for surrendering and trusting and learning from tribulation.*

So I think to myself – Im just gonna close up this winner of a week with a quick run. Even though Im not exactly where I want to be training-wise etc, I have been improving and Im still going to do this big race in a few weeks so off I go with my dog, who I have been doing very fast hill repeats with lately.

We get going, we’re really rolling, its feels great but a little bit scary and then it happens. I fall.

*Anyone who has followed my ultra-running story knows, Ive had a few very bad falls [I broke my hand a few yrs ago and later left half my knee on a mountain]. And there is a backstory associated with how and why I fall –> but in following my writing style this evening of skipping details (possibly because tonights fall caused some pretty awesome injuries to both hands and typing hurts) – I will say, I was just thinking the other day how proud I was of myself for running fast down hill on the repeats lately, w out fear…

So now, I have badly skinned up knees and hands (a nurse should really clean the rocks out better and my first aid kit is at my other house) and I have some super yucky injuries on my right hand that might/should prevent me from running the big race in a few wks. I realize people who don’t run, endurance ultras particularly, wonder why you need a hand to run but trust me – you do.

All that being said – I am seriously seeing Gods hand in all of this.
In the losing the rings, I feel that inexplicable peaceful ‘its ok’ feeling and I can see some things in my character that I needed to work on that losing the rings might accomplish.

Im not going to get into the two kid things, because they involve other people – and – Im tired – so Ill say this. Ive been taking the wrong approach with some challenges recently and I can look back at my life and see a pattern in my behavior that Im in a position now to change and improve.
So these injuries now – maybe its Him stopping me from going to a race Im not ready for. Maybe its so I’ll go do something else Im supposed to do that day. All I can do now, is – WAIT AND SEE [how bad my injuries are tomorrow, how fast I heal etc].

Im thankful for so many things. Everything I have ever faced turned out fine in the end. There have seriously been some dark and scary times. And now Im just going to be my best me and do things as well as I can.

Im currently taking my career to a whole new level and facing challenges and the possibilities are
endless but its not going to be easy.

Next week Im goinig to TAKE OFF A FEW DAYS (yes, me) and take one of my sons somewhere he has never been and do cool shit. All the work will be here when we get back. This summer Im going to go somewhere Ive never been with the whole family – and do amazing things.

See your challenges and struggles differently – especially the unfair, the inconvenient and the painful.

Be your best you.

Be well,

Love ~K~

*~* I love my family, dog, friends, job, blessings, homes, people, life *~*

Final Spring Race Report 2016 – The Humble Version

May 8, 2016 /

So ultra number 10 in just under 5 yrs is done, and Im curled up in bed now all cozy. It didn’t turn out the way I’d planned, but that’s ok. Actually, all three of the races I did in the last month had results very unlike what I’d hoped. A succession of unforeseen recent events/circumstances had me pretty sure I wasn’t even going to go today. I wasn’t packed and nothing was charged, not my phone or my GoPro.

The race started at 7am and there I was, at 830, still home, drinking coffee in front of my computer about to do all the things I hadn’t finished this week. Then I just jumped in my car and headed down. I thought of Jodi and I hope she doesn’t mind me saying this but was I seriously going to not do the drive and at least 5 loops because of blisters or sprains or work pressure or the kid stress or any series hectic or taxing trauma – while my friend is fighting cancer? For like 8 years!!? Im not going to get into her business but I will just say that her unwavering faith and beautiful love for our Lord humbles me greatly and make me admire her so.

I needed this. I needed to be out there. And they let me start late!! By the time I arrived everyone was at least two loops ahead of me, including the new friend I met during the North Face and dragged to Flying Pig with me. I think he finished 7 loops! Woo Hoo!

I actually got to spend a good bit of time on my own, with just my thoughts, clearer on the trail than at any other time. My original goal for this 24 hour run was to run the full 24 for a distance of 75 miles (12 loops). Now I was aiming to call it a night after only 5. And thats ok.

Oh how I love how my head lectures itself when I am out there in the woods.I decided these trail ultras, particularly the timed ones, are the best metaphor for life. You race against yourself. There are twists and turns and obstacles. There are many unexpected things that can happen from a stumble over a root or a slithering snake gone by or the noticing of a tiny pretty flower all alone and smiling up at you. The kindness of others out there is really a gem in it all. Everyone helps everyone in every possible way.

These ATR races in particular, more than any, are so full of wonderful people carefully providing the most wonderful race experience. Wounds are dressed, bladders are filled, encouraging words are spread and the food is outstanding. You leave feeling not just like you have more friends than when you arrived but that you are part of a big awesome family.

Today, I thought about humility. I thought about in life how you get put in a situation where you feel someone else gets something you deserve. When you get blamed for things you didn’t do or watch others take credit for what you were responsible for. How can we really learn and grow in all these situations? How are our greatest lessons the most painful ones? Knowledge and wisdom come with scars.

I reflected about attention and approval and how Ive always craved both for some reason. A year ago I did ten loops and I needed to do more. But why? I mean its not a bad thing to be motivated and have goals but it doesn’t hurt to know what the point is. To be still when God tells you to. To listen. To be at peace. To stop trying to control everything. And out there on the trail, there’s so much you cant control…so translate that into life. Ive been too stressed lately. This little 10+ hr run gave me clarity. Peace…

When I was home earlier where I belonged and needed to be, the sunshine outside for the first time all week, beckoned at me and I couldn’t fight it. I shut my laptop and just left. I knew the injuries I had were from the last couple of races and were minor and that if I took it easy, I’d get through it.

The trail was in amazing shape considering all the rain we’ve had – or maybe my standards just changed after the NF muddy debacle. I do wish I”d had the GoPro with me for some o the trickier spots, just to share – but really, there are things that no film could ever really capture – and that is the whole personal experience.

At one point, I had the full on Curt-Schilling-bloody-sock thing going on, just like in North Face a month ago. The crew put new skin on me and taped it and off I went. Shortly later it slid off and was rubbing worse. So the next time I came through they cleaned it, disinfected it, reskinned it and then “taped the fuck out of it”
Not only did it hold the rest of my loops, I could hardly get it off when I got home. Its in rough shape and will be for a while, but Im confident I’ll be back in order soon enough.

Luckily there are no more races on the horizon. I am taking off for a week, completely, Then Im going to increase the water intake, reduce coffee and wine, carb-cycle and split my days between Daily Burn and riding my bike, whenever possible. Just do what I do, because choices matter.

I came home to flowers and a card and most importantly – a big yummy Starbucks ordered just the way i like it.
Happy Mother’s day.

Be well everyone
<3 <3 <3 K

The North Face 50 Miler Endurance Challenge DC 2016 – Race Report

April 10, 2016 /

*let me forewarn you that I cuss a lot – there’s no other way to tell this particular story for my own reasons, if you cant handle it, go elsewhere

At 345 am I was seriously considered just not going. All the way there I was fine with just saying screw it, turning around and getting back in my warm bed – the snow was already falling – but I was on autopilot and I just put all my gear on and went. I had a very emotional and stressful last few weeks, personally and professionally – too much to even try to explain and lets face it, that’s life, everyone has their own crap they’re going through, that’s not special or interesting – but I hadn’t broken down yet, and it was all still in me and I had to do something with it all. I was going to re-purpose all of the stress and pain and emotions into fuel and go forward.

So here we are. I arrived just with enough time to walk from the drop off area to the corral and they were counting down to go before I could even figure out my head lamp or take any fuel. Fourth time on this course, but doing 50 miles instead of 50k this time. This race starts two hours earlier, so its pitch black dark at 5am. And the powers of the universe decided this day will be unseasonably cold….with enough rain to muddy up the trails so much that your shoes are getting pulled off your feet and youre sliding all over the place, falling on top of each other. And it snowed, and it sleeted, and when the sun finally decided to show its face, the wind gusts picked up to 50mph.
There are checkpoints where they mark your bib to ensure and certify that you’ve reached said location before the cutoff time. The first few checkpoints I was congratulated and told I was way under the cutoff and doing great. I was beaming. I was looking at a 10 hours finish if I stayed on pace. Is this real?? Speaking of pace, I know my pace by now. Ive done this enough times. I don’t wear a gps watch or track it on my phone, I don’t need to. I know where I need to be and where I am. I am have no sense of direction, but this much I know – I always know how fast Im going.

Every checkpoint was the same thing – and when I finished loop one (the 50 milers have to do this lovely, hilly, rocky 7 mile loop three times before they head out through the rivers to the finish line).

After loop one I am congratulated and told to have fun on loop two, my bib gets marked. Im as high as a kite. I cannot believe Im looking at a PR, nevermind one of nearly two hours, after not running more than a mile the last 6 months. Im connecting to folks along the way, like I do in every trail race. Im so happy.
Then a bib marker says, Hey, your over, you need to step it up and run as fast as you can to the next check, that’s about 15 miles up there or youre done, GO.

Wait a minute – how the hell is that possible? I went from having an hour of leeway to I better book it up this giant ass hill or Im done? Now this is not a case of me losing track of time or misjudging my pace or anything like that. The only way this could even be possible is a) I went off course somehow (this is about a 7 mile discrepancy right now and let me assure you, I don’t have an extra 7 fucking miles in me right now like I did last year when I went 8 miles off course – and it was 40 degrees warmer and dry)….b) my bent bib *I folded it, effed up my timing chip c) I missed a timer, went around it or something, which seems absurd to me….or who the hell even knows at this point but Im just going to pull it out of myself and run as hard as I can….I don’t have time to ponder – I have to GO.
So I did. I was probably pulling an 8 or 9 minute mile pace….booking. Now this is either 22 or 29 miles into it, depending who you freaking ask ((there are like 6 different course workers all saying different things and checking computers and deciding)).
The lady at the next checkpoint, the main station at the park – checks me off as completing loop two. I ask her to clarify, because of what just happened. She does. OK. Drama over. Im going to go finish loop 3. Im back on track. Im 6 hours into it right now with maybe 5 hours to go.
I go get some food real quick Potatoes and salt of course.

Then it happens.
‘Excuse me miss, you didn’t make it. We radioed into the last check, they marked you off the watch list.’
‘Im sorry?’
‘Just sit over there until we can pick you up.’

Now Im flipping out. How did I go from a 2 hr PR to a DNF? Why cant any of you figure this shit out? I want to see the RD (who was very, very nice btw).
I wait. And wait. Minutes feel like hours. Im shivering. Im aching.

Now imagine waiting. All of a sudden you cool down, you cramp up, your muscles cease, your hormones go haywire. This is horrible. Even if you figure yourselves out (ftr this IS NOT the first time that THIS has happened to me on this course)….you just completely fucked me over, its going to be nearly impossible for me to warm back up and get on pace and finish. I waited approx. 30 mins for them to figure it out. Why is this a thing?

Now a couple other people are being told they didn’t make it either – they were both heading into loop 2 not 3. At this point I literally don’t care if I was on two or three.
We quickly decide to take things into another direction. We band together. We go rouge.

We turn in our badges, sign a waiver, and decided to run to the finish line anyways!!!!!!! BANDIT STYLE.
I mean we couldn’t just sit around any longer and freeze.

But you know what, we really couldnt run anymore. We ultimately walked, hobbled, meandered, stumbled, fell, cried, laughed, hallucinated, wandered….for approximately 5 hours to the finish line. There was blood, there was mud, there were tears and stories and hugs and pictures – there are cuts and bruises I will never be able to explain. I rolled both ankles. I put my hand through a rotten tree stump (its true). The entire bottom of both feet are blistered now from the last 5 hours of soaking wet feet sloshing around – blisters that formed on the back of my ankles where the bottom of my pants strategically rubbed too many times into the top of my socks, were ripped open and bleeding….I could barely walk now.
Poor Steve by the way, has been receiving such texts as:
– Im halfway done and going to crush this
– Im done, come get me
– Nevermind, Im finishing
– I have no idea how long its going to take

He just parked and waited….for hours.

We finished. Me, Michelle and Josh. The three amigos. The three crazy, beaten up, hilarious amigos.

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IMG_20160410_110954

If you look me up its going to say I only ran 22 or 29 miles (whatever they freaking decided) but you know what – I kept going and – we got our medals (and our bibs ftr). We know what we did. Its our story and we like it.
Im so glad we kept going.

I want to close with a thank you to the Man Upstairs for getting us all through it, to my hubs for all his patience and support yesterday and a congratulations to everyone who showed up and gave it their all and my (sweaty disgusting) hat’s off to the ones that kept on running – I am amazed by all of you.

*note* at one point we thought about steeling a golf cart that still had the keys in it but we didn’t 😉
haha

See you in a few weeks Flying Pig – then ATR24!!!

Not The Race Report I Fantasized About Writing

October 10, 2015 /

I wont be closing out the month of my 5 year marathon-anniversary with a 100 miler. Yeah, a full, two halves, 2 50ks and a 100k in the last few months – but I did not finish the Grindstone100 – but I started. It rained on us the majority of the time. The terrain is brutal – at least the part I managed to finish.
I love that this race started with the director, Clark who amazingly managed to get this all pulled off after the permits were pulled last week due to storms – prayed for us and our safety. Then we all sang the National Anthem – then we were off.

The two runners I paired up with were vets, to say the least. Between them they’ve completed such great feats as Barkley, Bad Water, Leadville and Grindstone – as well as other insanity runs to include countless 100s, some 200+s and one of those amazing cross-state runs totaling over 600 miles. One of them, Dave, was the only reason I wasn’t curled up in a ball in the pouring down rain crying. OK slight exaggeration but we both were there for each other in different ways to including noticing which way to go or helping each other up from a fall.

When I got to the last aid station before dropping, there was a handful of
people waiting for a ride back to the start. The worker who was driving them basically said – ‘You just did the hardest part of the race, it will be light in a few hours. Youre almost an hour behind the hard cut off. Not to be rude, but you need to make your decision fast – either get in my car, I need to get up and back – or start running.’ At this point David was out – how can he be out – he has done BAD WATER – he has done LEADVILLE etc – and no one was behind me, they’d all gotten in a car to go back. The next runner back was 30 minutes up, a super nice guy who’s name I forgot that left a shirt for me at the station because I didn’t properly prepare in terms of change of clothes and drop bags – it wasn’t likely I’d catch him, and I still had nearly an hour to make up to not be DQd.
Its not that I cant handle the miles, or time on my feet, I’d done twice that distance or duration 4 times already this year. It was this gnarly course, this day – this moment…my nutrition – whatever. I inspire myself usually by just saying, Do it for your kids so they can never say they couldnt beat the odds – because you always do – but alas.

This is not the same as my JFK story I love to tell when I didn’t make the cut off then made up the time plus 15 to finish under….I wasn’t 10 miles from the finish – I was like 70 – and this course was like no other Ive ever seen.
I had plenty of energy still – but that didn’t matter at all…Im certain I can go a solid week without eating or sleeping – but I cant make myself faster. I’d taken too much precious time avoiding falls while I watch people fall all round me. The paths are narrow, the edges are slick and soft, and the drops were steep and rocky. I watched someone’s foot go off the path and they slide right down the hill. And for me, much worse than the steep climbs, was the declines that were very much like Slip & Slides.

I went from being massively over heated to shivering in my soaked clothes. All the water crossings were over flowing from the rain the past two weeks and my feet were a soggy mess. I didn’t bring enough pairs of shoes either….
All that sounds like a whiney bitch-fest and none of it is an excuse. The race is still going on now as I am writing this – and will for a long many hours for whoever is still in it. Over half the registrants didn’t start and I have no idea how many DQs will happen – but all the journeys are unique.

We all have our own challenges in training and races. Priorities, responsibilities, disabilities – and gifts and strengths. Prior to this moment I’d say my grit and stubbornness are my truest game changer. It was no small task to chose not to keep going. I was fearful of being alone and lost for hours on end in the rainy darkness. I was already seeing shit that I knew wasn’t real, and I’d only been in it about 8 hours. Normally it takes at least 12 hours for me to loop out like that – but the fog, rain and leaves all made the path crazy to look at. Also, if I headed out there alone – if at some point I needed assistance – I was going to be HOURS from any other human, as it was taking several hours to get to each station. That and, unless I got a tremendous boost of energy, I was looking at a finish that likely wouldn’t even make the final cutoff by at least an hour.

I love the wonderful people I added to my life, like every endurance adventure
I partake in – it’s a special breed.

grinstone graphic

cinque anni

September 27, 2015 /

As anyone who has talked to me recently probably already knows – October 30 is the 5 Year Anniversary of my first marathon aka “marathon-versary”. And in just a few days – less than a week, I am attempting my first 100 Miler.

It will be my 40th race, and 9th ultra.
Oh, how my life has changed so much! Ive added so many new and wonderful people to my life. Ive learned so much about who I am, and what Im capable of.

During this journey so far, starting with training for my first full, five years ago – I have been in so many different places, in terms of fitness and training. There were races that I ran EVERY day for. I remember following plans to a T. I remember between work trips or my kids’ basketball, football and lacrosse games, I would use those periods of time to hit the trail – I always had my shoes and gear on me or near me. Football practices were 6 nights per week, so why not run around the practice field the whole time? People in the community just came to know me as a stinky person.

That’s what I did.

Ive been injured to the point of completely incapacitated. Ive had a pulled back and a ripped open knee. Ive been just plain old lazy and my weight has ranged up and down in a 30 pound window!!

For me personally – Ive over trained. I dislocated a toe (that is still not connected to my foot) doing incessant hill-repeats for hours. And I’ve under-trained, driving hours away to a race where I found myself barely able to walk anymore, nevermind run! What a lesson!!

When you don’t listen to your trainer about how to fall (roll into it) not only do you break your hand – sometimes you end up with enough rocks in your knee (and left over flesh on the trail) that your ass is stuck on crutches for
weeks.

Every step of the journey is a learning experience. Ive had to learn about what nutrition works by trial and
error. Ive learned about shoes, socks, jackets, lights, hats, bottles and gloves – and every kind of gear you can imagine. What treatments are effective? Do I want a collagen injection for tarsal tunnel? Do I need KT Tape? Are compression socks going to help me? How much fluid do I really need?

And all of this has to be learned by experience. Since each of us is different, no two stories will ever be alike.

When people ask me what to do – I try to always tell them what worked for me with the caveat that all advice is a nothing more than guideline that they have to adjust to work for themselves by listening to their own bodies.

Please know this, no matter who you are, what youre attempting and how you’ve prepared for it – there’s no telling what race day has in store for you. Whether you are doing something you’ve done before or something brand new – there are many factors that all work together to determine the outcome – positive or negative. There’s weather and nutrition – there’s every aspect of your health, to include a bonus element if youre female – theres unexpected mishaps like falling or getting lost (hey, it happens).

This isn’t just a running thing or an ultra-running things. This is a life thing. You do your best and you hope for the best but there is always the unknown, no matter how unlikely, even if its only an iota of a percent of a chance for things to turn out in the unlikely way possible – you cant control anything – other than your will.

Be well and move forward.
<3 ~K~

September 20, 2015 /

I just ran down the stairs – twice. Yep, ran – Why? Because I can. Why? Because I didn’t push it yesterday. Which might sound like the easier path – and in some ways it obviously is – but mentally when you are given an ~10k loop and 12 hours to do your thing – and you KNOW you can do 8 laps, ****you f#$%#$cing KNOW it – but you only do 5 – well, it’s mentally taxing to say the least. Its hard to let people pass you – its hard to step to the side when you hear footsteps getting closer – its hard to get lapped. Its hard to lean on a tree and wish your fellow runner a good day – let them go – it’s a different kind of day for them – it’s a training day for me. And Im glad I can run down the stairs today (usually I cant even walk, I have to crawl backwards). Im glad I feel ok today. I have the Grindstone in two weeks, and that, however lofty a goal, is my priority.

And for that very same reason, I have offered my Diva Half bib to someone else. Because no tiara, no boa, or tutu or chocolate covered strawberry served with champagne by a shirtless fireman will be worth tweaking or straining or injuring in part of myself a week out from Grindstone. 5 girls will sleep out at my place, and I will cook them pasta and give the a ride and cheer for them – but Im not running it.
Im NOT in my best shape – but Im not in my worst either – and Im not giving up – and I’m sure as hell not going to sabotage myself or act ignorant. The mere race is and of itself enough of a foolhardy ambition to last me a while 😉

I am satisfied with however it turns out. I met so many wonderful people yesterday – many who have run 100s,
several who have attempted and/or accomplished Grindstone – some who tried multiple times. I realize, that like a full-scope-poly or qualifying for Boston – it often takes more than one try. I got to hear multiple personal testimonies describing this very story. Stories of things ceasing up, stories of incessant vomit or passing out. Stories of grit and grime and glory.
And so – maybe I’m just going to learn a bunch of lessons and accomplish nothing more than figuring out what Im capable of that day. There are good days and bad ones. Off and on.

Maybe I wont even distance PR but this adventure is unique to this course – no two distance are alike – that is like no other I have even tried. I have no crew. I have no one to pace me. Im scared of the dark (terrified of being lost and alone). This isn’t a flat, lit, loop track. This is 24,000+ feet of gain and loss on narrow, loose rock with steep deadly drops.

Im going to ride my bike whenever Im home over the next two wks between travel. I might try to find gyms at my hotels when I can. Maybe I’ll even jump in the ocean for a few laps.
Never give up my friends. Much love.

Be well,
<3 ~K~

Feelings about pain meds and such

June 8, 2014 /

First, I am neither a scientist nor a medical professional.  I will mess up terminology and my theories will be unfounded & nonsensical perhaps.

I also am not passing judgment on anyone else or suggesting what anyone else should do in any situation – as we are all individuals and each situation is unique.  And for the record not only did I get a morphine drip for a second yesterday, they also tried to get me to take Percocet and wrote me an Rx for Vicodin (I didn’t take the pills and didn’t fill the script – but I did have a glass of wine when I got home).

Now that that is out of the way lets talk about me and pain medication and what not.

Some of you know that I suffered a traumatic head injury about 15 yrs ago.    This has caused my natural pain-gauge to go off kilter and I find it difficult to provide accurate measurements to what I’m experiencing at times.  This can be useful and a bit of a curse, depending on how you look at it.

I have a notion that I’m just going to throw out there.  I don’t think pain medications work on me – at all – period.  Like I am mostly immune to them, if that is a thing.

Twelve yrs ago when I was having my second son (post tbi) I don’t think the epidural worked.  I ended up with some permanent numbness (in my legs) but that is the only thing I can tell you that epidural did to me.  It was the only sensation I was aware of.

I usually refuse pain meds, not because I am cool or tough, I have my own reasons that are personal and about me and no one else – but yesterday they gave me a morphine drip prior to cleaning out the wound.  It made my arm itch like crazy – but  as soon as I realized what was going on, I unplugged the syringe that had the dope in it.    I don’t know how much of it got in me – but I know it had zero affect on my leg (I did start to giggle and the room got very bright & blurry for a few mins).

THEN the doctor started shooting lidocaine directly into the open wound and under the flaps of skin.  Not only did I feel every injection, I then felt EVERTHING she did to me.  I watched the whole time and it was not in my head, I did not imagine it.  I felt when she cut my skin off, I felt when she scraped the rocks out, I felt when she flushed and scrubbed and I felt the needle and thread going in and out.  Not the nudge of it, the very stinging, burning sensation of it.  I was screaming like a maniac and my poor husband said, “She doesn’t cry like that it hurts her”.

She told me to look away and that it was ‘impossible’ for me to ‘metabolize to the drugs’ [and feel the pain].

What she doesn’t know is that my brain works different.  I BELIEVE that the way opiates work are by hindering or obstructing a signal in your brain that tells you youre in pain and that somewhere among what I imagine to be a spider web or highway of connections in my brain that carries those signals, there is a road block.

In the same way that I have complete numbness in some parts of my body, and an inability to experience pain at other times, narcotics just don’t work for me.

When the impact occurred many years ago, leaving my skull fractured and me in a coma, it shook things up and left the ‘synapse roadmap’ askew in my head, and for that reason, the little neurons or electrons or whatever the fuck they are, don’t make it to their intended destination.

That is my theory.  So yeah, by all means, if you get a tooth extracted or strain your back or whatever and the medication does its job and provides you with relief, good, that’s what it is supposed to do but for me, it just doesn’t work – and I don’t like feeling loopy in my head, especially when it doesn’t take the pain away any how.

So please, if you made it this far in my silly little post, pray that my cut heals and does not get infected – because I don’t want them to have to open it up and reclose it.  ((unless it is a lesson for me to experience the pain to be more sensitive to others who have pain))

Thank you – be well,

Luv K

 

 

dnf

June 8, 2014 /

I didn’t run the Zooma Half last weekend so I’d be ready & healthy for the North Face EC today.  And I was ready.   It started out great, I had good coffee, I got to see Dean Karnazes again and the weather was perfect.

More than half way through, I felt good and I was doing well.  When I was approaching the turning point in the course, the two course workers were clapping and shouting “There she is, she’s looking great”

I assumed they were speaking about someone behind me that they knew but I didn’t do my usual smile or look back.  The course looked a little different than I remembered it from 3 years ago.

After they marked my bib and sent me on my way, I turned and realized they’d been speaking to me.

I felt excited and proud.  I looked at my watch and realized I was on point to finish in under 8 hours  which gave me an hour of leeway and put me way under the deadline.  In that moment I was elated.

I’d not run since the 50 miles a month before other than a few one mile light jogs here and there, and had been primarily just doing strength and core at home.  And yet I was going to finish strong.

I waved and thanked them for cheering for me.  I started to almost leap carelessly for just a bit.

Then I lost my footing on one of the most technical and rocky stretches.  I had just taken off my gloves (because my hands were swelling) and I felt myself flying forward.  I screamed.

Suddenly there were other runners coming towards me.  One by one they started to show and stand around me.  I didn’t realize how bad it was.  They were looking for tissues and asking me what they could do.  They moved me off to the side.  The crowd was growing.  I literally believed I would just wrap it up and be on my way.

I kept telling them to leave me and not mess up their times.  I wish I could remember all their names and thank them.

The two guys who were cheering for me called the medical emergency staff to come get me.  It took them  a while to arrive, because the course was super narrow and I was clear out in the middle of no darn where.

The jeep arrived and the EMTs rinsed off my knee.  I was squeezing someone’s hand off from the pain.  They wrapped it up tight and said it definitely needed to be stitched but that they couldn’t stitch it because it was full of rocks and it needed to be cleaned out, and they weren’t equipped to do that in the field.

“But I want to finish, you wrapped it, I’m more than half done, let me finish, its just a couple more hours”

“You’re bleeding right through the bandages, we’ve already called an ambulance and you need to go to a  hospital”

And just like that I was a DNF.

The jeep ride back was an adventure to say the least.  Runners who were wearing headphones despite the rule not to, couldnt hear us beeping.  The trail was barely as wide as the jeep and the drop was hundreds of feet if we were to go over the edge.

That wasn’t the scariest part of the afternoon though.  After an enjoyable ambulance ride, I had to sit and wait for hours for them to clean all the rocks out of my knee.

I wont go into many more details or share the pictures that Im not sure why I took (and if youre super lucky I txt’d to you today).  I sure was nervous though.

My normally low 77/52 bloodpressure spiked when they started messing w it to 115/80 (normal for some people but not me).

At this point I was squeezing Steve’s hand and watching w/ terror every poke, scrub, prod and clip.   The doctor thought I should look away but I just couldn’t.

Again I wish I knew everyone’s name so I could send thank you cards.  I know they were all just doing their jobs but I appreciated them all very much.

Now I have to monitor my knee closely for two wks for signs of infection, as so much flesh is gone there is only so much that could be done and it is basically a raw, seeping wound for now.

This is the part in the story where I say Everything Happens for a Reason and There’s Always a Next Time and {fill in all the similar comments} – yeah, I get it and guess what, I know and I understand and it will all be ok and I need to heal and so on – but today – Im sad – Im very sad – I keep randomly crying.

But I’ll get over it….and I’ll run again.

 

dnf1 dnf3 dnf2

You found what??

May 8, 2014 /

First of all, I don’t share my trials for sympathy or my accomplishments for praise.  I share as part of a community that helps one another.  Certainly if I were to read something like what I’m about to tell you all, I’d keep it in mind if I were to get hurt after a race.

There isn’t a ton of information online because only 2% of people have what showed up on my xray today of my foot/ankle.  ‘Accessory Bones’, not one, or two, but three.  And that is just my right foot.  I’m sure I have it on the other side too, because this exact same thing has happened on the left.

After I ran the New Orleans marathon my left foot and ankle swelled for no reason (nothing happened).  They called it a sprain and wrapped it, told me to elevate, take anti-inflammatory and ice it.  This does not happen EVERY time I run, but it did happen this time again.   But now it was on the right side and I told myself (and others), no need to go to Dr, I have experience w this, you get a walking cast and [all the things I already mentioned].  Which is true, especially because it is on the right, so I cant drive for six wks w a hard cast.

It has been a few days and today I happened to be in town taking care of some other things, I had a bit to kill, so, I swung into urgent care for an xray – might as well, I have insurance.

This is where they tell me I have these bones in my foot and that although usually asymptomatic, if aggravated (by excessive activity for example) it can seem like a sprain (pain and swelling) and is treated the same way.

So this is new, I’ll see a specialist – maybe, in my spare time.  And we’ll see.  I’m not sure why this never showed up before or no one ever noticed or told me.  I guess my point is had I not gone for the xray today I wouldn’t know – I don’t know if it matters or I can do anything about it (I read it can be surgically removed but doubt I’ll do that when a week of rest and ice makes it all better) – but I’m glad I know.   The foot/ankle pain is what stopped me from finishing Sat/Sun, and maybe it will prevent me similar challenges in the future (as I wasn’t tired nor did I have pain anywhere else) but at least I do know had I pushed thru it I would be ok afterwards…

In other words, should I give up something I love because of something temporary?  Probably not.  Dont get me wrong, I’m always open to anything – I just wont be forced into something w out good reason.

They were wrong about rhabdo and every other thing they tested me for.  Maybe I was just stressed out and tired or maybe I had a random virus that mysteriously dosent show up in bloodwork.  I don’t know, but neither does anyone else, so unless someone can show me come concrete and tangible thing I can understand, I’m not changing my life drastically.

One Step at a Time.  Still processing.

ps I’m glad I had a friend with me today to see the xrays and hear the doctor explain it, or else I wouldnt believe it either.

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