When I say I am a judgmental person, I don’t mean it in a hateful or unkind way.  The judgment I pass is in reference to how you might be doing something when I wish you’d do it better for your own good.  I love people and I want to help them.  I know that people do bad things to themselves and I want them to stop.  I want them to treat themselves better.  But I don’t know everyone’s story, so – that is what I mean.

Here’s an example of judgment gone wrong – when I had only one kid, I did a lot of things wrong and didn’t know it – but all I knew was that my kid was awesome and your kid was out of control.  I must have been doing something right and you were doing it wrong.  Then his brother came along and as much as I know full and well all the things I do wrong on a daily basis, I also realize that I didn’t do anything different with #2 then I did with #1 yet they are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.  So much for that.

Then I look at people with serious health issues, and I wish they would exercise and eat right.  I see people who do things so terribly wrong that I would never dream of living that way – but – I used to.

So – that all I want – I want to help people.

But heres the thing.

I have been very healthy for the last several years – no medicine, no illness – and I just keep improving my lifestyle.  So why am I not getting in better and better shape?  I was fitter, leaner, faster and stronger 3 yrs ago!

And now, all of a sudden, in the last month – I have gotten sick!

Very sick.

I don’t know which came first – the chicken or the egg – so, I don’t know if a gi infection caused respiratory inflammation and complications or the other way around – but I know I have had xrays and full bloodwork panel and there are no abnormalities.  According to the labs I am completely healthy – yet, Im not.  And this isn’t the first time this has happened.  A couple years ago I just started feeling bad.

Why?

If anything I eat and exercise better now than I did when I was 20 pounds lighter and significantly faster.  I went from a 4:20 marathon to 5:15 and from a 7:02 50k to a 10 hour.  Heck today it took me 1:40 to do 8 miles and my 10 mile PR is sub 90.  Im not saying I do everything right or perfect, of course I dont – but there’s not a ton of room for improvement and this is just the key I am referring to where you cant assume that healthy lifestyle = a clean bill of health and all the sick people did it to themselves.

I’m sick in the bathroom 20 times per day and Im out of breath from walking up a flight of stairs.

With the longest race of my life less than two weeks away this is not what I had envisioned for myself at this point.

Tomorrow im going to my holistic/wellness doctor who I’ve not seen in quite a while.  I don’t know what he’ll be able to do at this 11th hour but I’ll stand on my head and eat butterflies if he tells me to.