kirsten's thoughts, mostly running-related

Just another blog ~ some helpful stuff ~ some feelings etc

Tag: life

2018 is almost here!

December 10, 2017 /

I tweeted yesterday about saying No and Delegating More. Its hard. Not just because I want things done a certain way, and maybe want the recognition or appreciation that sometimes come with doing things – but also, when you value things, you know they deserve you – and yet the you that’s left spreads thinner and thinner….coaching ~ family – friends – career – fitness/goals etc #allthethings

And so now, Im Headed Back into the swing of things – or at least getting there. I have done a few classes in the last week, and I am committed to attending a class a minimum of 4 times per week with 2 additional classes optional, depending how the week/day is going.
Tue, Thu and Sat am are Kettle (my favorite); and Sun am is Bootcamp. Theyre a blast!! Mon and Wed evenings, if I can make it, will be HIIT.

Ive trained with Joey aka Burr Strength before as a personal trainer and I am SO proud of him for having his own space now. He is fantastic.

Today during bootcamp, one of the stations for one of the sets, was a pullup. I used to be able to do one (see proof below circa 2015/2013). I am not fit/strong/thin enough at this time to do one.
When we were supposed to do situps with a medicine ball over our heads and throw it at the wall, I couldnt do that either. I mean, I could throw it, and then sit up, but not one swift motion. And I don’t like it.

Ive just been way too far off track, and this is not a new story. Its Groundhog Day. Off track then back on again. But it feels good to have a thing I can stick to now and that its so enjoyable.
When the alarm goes off super early, just like before any race, there is a moment where I consider just going back to sleep – but I NEVER do and I never regret it when Im done!

My nutrition is always a bit stricter than ‘normal’ but nowhere near as good as it could be and I Know it. I do have a lot of reasons, but no excuses.

Im only registered for one race so far for 2018, an ultra of course, and I’ll probably end up doing at least two.

Everyone has a lot of things theyre balancing, some more than others. So here’s to less coffee and wine; and more water – and at least 4 hours of hardcore training per week, sometimes 6.

This is a good jump start on what can and will be a fantastic 2018.

Raise your standards and expectations – Have intentions that make you feel good and resolve in your own favor – Do you & Be well –

Love ~K~

ps I will do a pullup soon!!

pullups

bootcamp3

Giving Yourself Permission

August 6, 2017 /

…to do less.

…to be ok.

Being a self-motivated person can certainly lead to accomplishments and success but it is also a sort of prison. No one is harder on me than me and Im unable to relax. If Im not doing many things, or trying very hard, it actually stresses me a great deal.

Brief times in my life when I had nothing I was particularly driven or passionate about, were the most depressing times Id ever known.

I come a cross, I think, sort of always in a state of upset. But really Im not. Im just not fucking around, because I don’t want to. If youre chill, and that’s your thing, good for you, that’s just not how Im wired.

Whether Im on vacation or it is the weekend or evening, I am generally not satisfied unless Im doing or about to do SOMETHING.
I have a big race coming up, the first one in a long time and maybe the only one I’ll do all year – which, by the way, Im not READY for – as I haven’t trained at all, but Im actually looking forward to it.

When Im about to leave for Vegas every summer, I get well wishes, some of them laced with sarcasm or jealous, along the lines of “Try to have fun” – but really, it’s a fuck ton of work. The work starts long before the events and goes on long after. And I do realize I don’t do nearly as much as a lot of other folks do out there – but I can only measure against myself. What did I really just accomplish? I know what I got out of it but when the bean-counters analyze the ROI, what will they think? I nearly didn’t rest or relax the whole time I was there and didn’t do the majority of the personal-to-do-list things Id meant to do with my family (that was out there with me), or take a minute of PTO.

Today is beautiful weather and I keep going through my head about housework, work-work (catching up after being on travel for a week), working out etc. I decided to just go for a walk with my dog. Stopped and looked a ponds and vineyards and flowers and trees and the sky – and let my little buddy sniff all the things.

pup walk

All that to say, that’s what I did. And that’s ok.

Its ironic, if you think about it really, how hard relaxing is.

I picked up some groceries, I might get my hubs car detailed (as much for me as for him), Im catching up on reports and emails…..and I might not workout (bs you know I will) but anyways — GOT tonight and Im gonna let myself drink wine while I watch it 😀

So listen I guess the point of this is to try not to let life slip right past you. I certainly have missed out on a lot but I hope in a few weeks when Im out on the trail for 12 hours, I get some good me-time in there with my many thoughts. Maybe I’ll figure out something huge ;D

Be well friends,

~K~

stay in your lane

May 29, 2017 /

I saw a tweet yesterday saying that ‘white women need to stay in their lane’ [and not speak for black women]. I am not black. So I cant speak for black women, I agree. As a side note, I think most women agree that a man cant/shouldnt speak for a woman (even and yet, they make up laws for them). So maybe its like that?

I saw this tweet out of context (I think it was in response to something I didnt see) and it had received a ton of responses by the time I saw it, many angry. I don’t think they were saying white women shouldn’t support or stick up for black women, just that they cant speak for them. That’s not the same thing.

Just the other evening my company’s Women in Technology group was discussing Hidden Figures which I think as women, is a fine thing to do, but, none of us were black (on that particular evening) so, I pointed out that the movie wasn’t just about them being women, but also black. *Spoiler Alert* Not sure if the running to the bathroom thing was factual or not, but its still not far-fetched for the time period, and like so many other things those amazing 3 women faced, it was because of their skin color not just gender.

That said, I am not Jewish, or Muslim or gay or disabled, but I stand with all of those people, who suffer adversity and struggles I can certainly imagine, but not truly understand. As a mom of boys, I will never know the reasonable and justified fear a black mom has to face of letting her teenage son leave the house, with lets say, a hoodie on – because maybe he’ll be mistaken as a criminal and shot? Seems absurd right? Why would you mistake my son as a criminal and decide to shoot him just because of his clothing? You wont right? Because he has blonde hair and blue eyes…

If anything, I am embarrassed at times that Im white. Granted if you have to be white, be Italian, because we’re the coolest but anyways. Seriously, it feels like an unfair advantage in a twisted world where unqualified, undignified, unexperienced, unrelatable, unrespectable, racist, sexist, ignorant white men who have fortunes handed to them get nuclear codes when they cant even put together an eloquent sentence. Alas, I digress again (ADD much).

This will get blown out of proportion and misconstrued but Im ashamed that I have over indulged my own children and am very much a part of ‘the problem’ in that way. There is nothing dignified about having life handed to you, with no consequences for poor choice and no achievements in the face of great hardship or challenge.

Don’t get me wrong, Ive had my own share of tribulations to overcome in life and they all seem small from where I stand now but they were large at the times – and I can say that nothing was ever handed to me. I worked my ass off for everything I have but it all could have turned out very different had the strokes of good favor not been on my side. And despite being married, I still stand very much on my own, by choice, dependent to no one. But boy have I been fortunate. So do my kids realize that? Have they learned anything from watching me work, practice, prepare, train or study? I am not sure. I think it may hit them in their 30s but we’ll see.

Oh look at me, off track –again. Suffice to say, the tweet made me sad. Not angry, like some of the responders. Just sad. Sad for our nation. Sad at the state of things in general. Humble, grateful and hopeful.

As far as lanes go, Im on a long, winding, sometimes rocky lane, on the road of life, and youre all welcome to come along for the ride (I sing off key, Im loud, I cuss a lot) but Im nice, funny and I can cook, so take a seat.

God bless.

Be well <3 ~K~

Final Spring Race Report 2016 – The Humble Version

May 8, 2016 /

So ultra number 10 in just under 5 yrs is done, and Im curled up in bed now all cozy. It didn’t turn out the way I’d planned, but that’s ok. Actually, all three of the races I did in the last month had results very unlike what I’d hoped. A succession of unforeseen recent events/circumstances had me pretty sure I wasn’t even going to go today. I wasn’t packed and nothing was charged, not my phone or my GoPro.

The race started at 7am and there I was, at 830, still home, drinking coffee in front of my computer about to do all the things I hadn’t finished this week. Then I just jumped in my car and headed down. I thought of Jodi and I hope she doesn’t mind me saying this but was I seriously going to not do the drive and at least 5 loops because of blisters or sprains or work pressure or the kid stress or any series hectic or taxing trauma – while my friend is fighting cancer? For like 8 years!!? Im not going to get into her business but I will just say that her unwavering faith and beautiful love for our Lord humbles me greatly and make me admire her so.

I needed this. I needed to be out there. And they let me start late!! By the time I arrived everyone was at least two loops ahead of me, including the new friend I met during the North Face and dragged to Flying Pig with me. I think he finished 7 loops! Woo Hoo!

I actually got to spend a good bit of time on my own, with just my thoughts, clearer on the trail than at any other time. My original goal for this 24 hour run was to run the full 24 for a distance of 75 miles (12 loops). Now I was aiming to call it a night after only 5. And thats ok.

Oh how I love how my head lectures itself when I am out there in the woods.I decided these trail ultras, particularly the timed ones, are the best metaphor for life. You race against yourself. There are twists and turns and obstacles. There are many unexpected things that can happen from a stumble over a root or a slithering snake gone by or the noticing of a tiny pretty flower all alone and smiling up at you. The kindness of others out there is really a gem in it all. Everyone helps everyone in every possible way.

These ATR races in particular, more than any, are so full of wonderful people carefully providing the most wonderful race experience. Wounds are dressed, bladders are filled, encouraging words are spread and the food is outstanding. You leave feeling not just like you have more friends than when you arrived but that you are part of a big awesome family.

Today, I thought about humility. I thought about in life how you get put in a situation where you feel someone else gets something you deserve. When you get blamed for things you didn’t do or watch others take credit for what you were responsible for. How can we really learn and grow in all these situations? How are our greatest lessons the most painful ones? Knowledge and wisdom come with scars.

I reflected about attention and approval and how Ive always craved both for some reason. A year ago I did ten loops and I needed to do more. But why? I mean its not a bad thing to be motivated and have goals but it doesn’t hurt to know what the point is. To be still when God tells you to. To listen. To be at peace. To stop trying to control everything. And out there on the trail, there’s so much you cant control…so translate that into life. Ive been too stressed lately. This little 10+ hr run gave me clarity. Peace…

When I was home earlier where I belonged and needed to be, the sunshine outside for the first time all week, beckoned at me and I couldn’t fight it. I shut my laptop and just left. I knew the injuries I had were from the last couple of races and were minor and that if I took it easy, I’d get through it.

The trail was in amazing shape considering all the rain we’ve had – or maybe my standards just changed after the NF muddy debacle. I do wish I”d had the GoPro with me for some o the trickier spots, just to share – but really, there are things that no film could ever really capture – and that is the whole personal experience.

At one point, I had the full on Curt-Schilling-bloody-sock thing going on, just like in North Face a month ago. The crew put new skin on me and taped it and off I went. Shortly later it slid off and was rubbing worse. So the next time I came through they cleaned it, disinfected it, reskinned it and then “taped the fuck out of it”
Not only did it hold the rest of my loops, I could hardly get it off when I got home. Its in rough shape and will be for a while, but Im confident I’ll be back in order soon enough.

Luckily there are no more races on the horizon. I am taking off for a week, completely, Then Im going to increase the water intake, reduce coffee and wine, carb-cycle and split my days between Daily Burn and riding my bike, whenever possible. Just do what I do, because choices matter.

I came home to flowers and a card and most importantly – a big yummy Starbucks ordered just the way i like it.
Happy Mother’s day.

Be well everyone
<3 <3 <3 K

compete

March 6, 2014 /

I read an article today that was a huge contradiction within itself.  Rather than reply on the page where it was posted and start a dramatic debate Ive decided to type out my thoughts.

The article is about the serious issue of teen suicide and factors that may contribute, including the pressures on kids by their parents.

What is it saying though?

On one hand Oh we coddle them and dope them and yet we expect so much of them.

Well, stop coddling them and train them for life, but for fucks sake don’t lighten your expectations.

Don’t undo everything for them.  Don’t demand they get unearned trophies.  Let them figure out how to fight their own fights.  These kids are committing suicide, in part because theyre sadly disabled by our enabling!

Highschool, and all school for that matter, is a perfect training for life.

Good, I’m glad my son has to figure out how to balance and give.  That is life.

Some things are unfair, some people are mean, some things are hard.   Good.

Sacrifices have to be made, failure has to be digested, sometimes help is needed and sometimes victory is celebrated.  Yep.

Between my job(s); my company; my kids; my home(s); my marriage; my racing etc – Its all I can do to balance anything more.  I see people with multiple relationships that they give attention to and I know that I don’t have anything left to give.

And guess what, the world is not the same as when I was skating thru school, under-achieving and ‘not living to my potential’.

I recruit.  I know.

I see the best of the best, fighting for a job.  I look over students with a 2.9 because you know what, I want a 4.0 or better.  That’s why.

My kids have to compete and I cant do it for them.

Bottom line, Galatians 6:7-9 – You Reap What You Sow

I don’t accomplish anything or make any sort of impact on the world around me when I race.  Its just a metaphor.  Its personal but I hope everyone can find their ‘thing’ that keeps them going.  Its not something you can teach your kids or anyone else, but if nothing else I hope deeper than any other hope, that everyone can find their own driver that keeps them going.

In all likelihood, my youngest wont get in the NBA, My oldest wont get a full ride to a D1 playing lacrosse and I wont qualify for Boston – but you know what – we have Things that we enjoy and are good at – then we have our day jobs.

Don’t give up people.

 

Feel free to read said article yourself http://totalsororitymove.com/a-message-to-teenagers-it-really-does-get-better/?fb_action_ids=10203174424822776&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%5B362386463902934%5D&action_type_map=%5B%22og.likes%22%5D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

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