I just ran down the stairs – twice. Yep, ran – Why? Because I can. Why? Because I didn’t push it yesterday. Which might sound like the easier path – and in some ways it obviously is – but mentally when you are given an ~10k loop and 12 hours to do your thing – and you KNOW you can do 8 laps, ****you f#$%#$cing KNOW it – but you only do 5 – well, it’s mentally taxing to say the least. Its hard to let people pass you – its hard to step to the side when you hear footsteps getting closer – its hard to get lapped. Its hard to lean on a tree and wish your fellow runner a good day – let them go – it’s a different kind of day for them – it’s a training day for me. And Im glad I can run down the stairs today (usually I cant even walk, I have to crawl backwards). Im glad I feel ok today. I have the Grindstone in two weeks, and that, however lofty a goal, is my priority.
And for that very same reason, I have offered my Diva Half bib to someone else. Because no tiara, no boa, or tutu or chocolate covered strawberry served with champagne by a shirtless fireman will be worth tweaking or straining or injuring in part of myself a week out from Grindstone. 5 girls will sleep out at my place, and I will cook them pasta and give the a ride and cheer for them – but Im not running it.
Im NOT in my best shape – but Im not in my worst either – and Im not giving up – and I’m sure as hell not going to sabotage myself or act ignorant. The mere race is and of itself enough of a foolhardy ambition to last me a while 😉
I am satisfied with however it turns out. I met so many wonderful people yesterday – many who have run 100s,
several who have attempted and/or accomplished Grindstone – some who tried multiple times. I realize, that like a full-scope-poly or qualifying for Boston – it often takes more than one try. I got to hear multiple personal testimonies describing this very story. Stories of things ceasing up, stories of incessant vomit or passing out. Stories of grit and grime and glory.
And so – maybe I’m just going to learn a bunch of lessons and accomplish nothing more than figuring out what Im capable of that day. There are good days and bad ones. Off and on.
Maybe I wont even distance PR but this adventure is unique to this course – no two distance are alike – that is like no other I have even tried. I have no crew. I have no one to pace me. Im scared of the dark (terrified of being lost and alone). This isn’t a flat, lit, loop track. This is 24,000+ feet of gain and loss on narrow, loose rock with steep deadly drops.
Im going to ride my bike whenever Im home over the next two wks between travel. I might try to find gyms at my hotels when I can. Maybe I’ll even jump in the ocean for a few laps.
Never give up my friends. Much love.
Be well,
<3
~K~
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