kirsten's thoughts, mostly running-related

Just another blog ~ some helpful stuff ~ some feelings etc

Tag: races

Giving Yourself Permission

August 6, 2017 /

…to do less.

…to be ok.

Being a self-motivated person can certainly lead to accomplishments and success but it is also a sort of prison. No one is harder on me than me and Im unable to relax. If Im not doing many things, or trying very hard, it actually stresses me a great deal.

Brief times in my life when I had nothing I was particularly driven or passionate about, were the most depressing times Id ever known.

I come a cross, I think, sort of always in a state of upset. But really Im not. Im just not fucking around, because I don’t want to. If youre chill, and that’s your thing, good for you, that’s just not how Im wired.

Whether Im on vacation or it is the weekend or evening, I am generally not satisfied unless Im doing or about to do SOMETHING.
I have a big race coming up, the first one in a long time and maybe the only one I’ll do all year – which, by the way, Im not READY for – as I haven’t trained at all, but Im actually looking forward to it.

When Im about to leave for Vegas every summer, I get well wishes, some of them laced with sarcasm or jealous, along the lines of “Try to have fun” – but really, it’s a fuck ton of work. The work starts long before the events and goes on long after. And I do realize I don’t do nearly as much as a lot of other folks do out there – but I can only measure against myself. What did I really just accomplish? I know what I got out of it but when the bean-counters analyze the ROI, what will they think? I nearly didn’t rest or relax the whole time I was there and didn’t do the majority of the personal-to-do-list things Id meant to do with my family (that was out there with me), or take a minute of PTO.

Today is beautiful weather and I keep going through my head about housework, work-work (catching up after being on travel for a week), working out etc. I decided to just go for a walk with my dog. Stopped and looked a ponds and vineyards and flowers and trees and the sky – and let my little buddy sniff all the things.

pup walk

All that to say, that’s what I did. And that’s ok.

Its ironic, if you think about it really, how hard relaxing is.

I picked up some groceries, I might get my hubs car detailed (as much for me as for him), Im catching up on reports and emails…..and I might not workout (bs you know I will) but anyways — GOT tonight and Im gonna let myself drink wine while I watch it 😀

So listen I guess the point of this is to try not to let life slip right past you. I certainly have missed out on a lot but I hope in a few weeks when Im out on the trail for 12 hours, I get some good me-time in there with my many thoughts. Maybe I’ll figure out something huge ;D

Be well friends,

~K~

Keeping it really real

February 26, 2017 /

Its an on-again, off-again journey < harder for some that others. For me, registering for races isnt just a motivator, its about the greatest feeling of all, the finish line. This last iteration of off-the-wagon was a combination of starting a new job, increasing my commute, moving, and a series of other crap that just took a priority over my fitness.

I entered a 6 week challenge 6 wks ago to kick my a$$ back on track.

Ive been lifting a lot but not spending much time doing cardio. I happen to know that you CAN cardio your way thin. Too thin even. My first full marathon, Oct 2010, I was gross skinny. My next marathon, 5 months later, was the best shape of my life, 10 lbs heavier, all muscle. Ive run 8 total fulls but never that fast again. It was also the year I PRd 50k and 50 Miles. None of my fulls or (10) ultras since have I done so well. But Im searching for a different kind of PR this year…and its going to be more about my mental stamina than anything!!

Anyways, adding muscle to a frame that isnt carrying fat is easy. I said it. Its fucking easy.
I have fat to lose now, so I cant just keep lifting. I need more time on my feet to build the endurance to spend 24 hours moving on a trail. Pretty basic stuff.

Ive been mixing spin, running (I just started back up) and lifting (HIITS). Today I followed a sprint video and there were only ten 30 second sprints but phwew, I was feelin’ it!!

Lifting is definitely my favorite of the three types of activities but I know theyre all important. As a side note, my new house has a pool, so no more excuses to not swim. I cant wait to open it and start training – for my first Iron Man. But I digress….first I need to do my next ultra, in exactly 2 months!!!

So I close with a horrifying before-after pic (wine belly).

before and after

Be well my friends,

xo

K

2015 – Lets do this.

December 31, 2014 /

I have written this post a few times…..
2014 SUCKED – hard. Listing it all out is pointless.
That’s ok. Do I have a ton of regrets? Sure. Do I have left over pain and confusion? A little.
However ~ I have an overwhelmingly strong surge of motivation and positive vibes in me!
This 40th year of my life was filled with things I’d never imagined that might cause some people to roll over and you know what – I almost did. But screw that.
Im closing out this shitastic year having recently lost approx 15 lbs.
Im currently registered for three races with at least three others on the docket. I am looking forward to a PR or two and redemption for my nasty, bloody DNF last year.
There is a thing – a challenge if you will, in the next few wks – it seems complicated but if you really spin it around, its quite simple. Its on me. Whatever happens, I wouldnt want to influence it if I could, thats not what I want. You have to know what you can control and what you cant and if you want to dig into what might be your motivation or purpose, figuring that out is for you – but don’t try to understand anyone else.
And moreover, know that you have been promised that God will grant your every heart’s desire – if you fear Him. That means if your desires are righteous and not of a sinful nature, they shall be granted. This takes trust and faith. Ref Psalm 147:11 and Matthew 6:33
Its easy to trust in a plan you understand, it’s a greater test of your strength to believe in a plan that not only doesn’t make sense, it hurts deeply.
Its ok. I got this.
I got 2015.
1 half, 2 fulls, a 50k and a 24Hr Trail. I will PR, I will BQ and I will not get hurt.
My marriage is in God’s hands, as are my children. I am blessed beyond words.

You found what??

May 8, 2014 /

First of all, I don’t share my trials for sympathy or my accomplishments for praise.  I share as part of a community that helps one another.  Certainly if I were to read something like what I’m about to tell you all, I’d keep it in mind if I were to get hurt after a race.

There isn’t a ton of information online because only 2% of people have what showed up on my xray today of my foot/ankle.  ‘Accessory Bones’, not one, or two, but three.  And that is just my right foot.  I’m sure I have it on the other side too, because this exact same thing has happened on the left.

After I ran the New Orleans marathon my left foot and ankle swelled for no reason (nothing happened).  They called it a sprain and wrapped it, told me to elevate, take anti-inflammatory and ice it.  This does not happen EVERY time I run, but it did happen this time again.   But now it was on the right side and I told myself (and others), no need to go to Dr, I have experience w this, you get a walking cast and [all the things I already mentioned].  Which is true, especially because it is on the right, so I cant drive for six wks w a hard cast.

It has been a few days and today I happened to be in town taking care of some other things, I had a bit to kill, so, I swung into urgent care for an xray – might as well, I have insurance.

This is where they tell me I have these bones in my foot and that although usually asymptomatic, if aggravated (by excessive activity for example) it can seem like a sprain (pain and swelling) and is treated the same way.

So this is new, I’ll see a specialist – maybe, in my spare time.  And we’ll see.  I’m not sure why this never showed up before or no one ever noticed or told me.  I guess my point is had I not gone for the xray today I wouldn’t know – I don’t know if it matters or I can do anything about it (I read it can be surgically removed but doubt I’ll do that when a week of rest and ice makes it all better) – but I’m glad I know.   The foot/ankle pain is what stopped me from finishing Sat/Sun, and maybe it will prevent me similar challenges in the future (as I wasn’t tired nor did I have pain anywhere else) but at least I do know had I pushed thru it I would be ok afterwards…

In other words, should I give up something I love because of something temporary?  Probably not.  Dont get me wrong, I’m always open to anything – I just wont be forced into something w out good reason.

They were wrong about rhabdo and every other thing they tested me for.  Maybe I was just stressed out and tired or maybe I had a random virus that mysteriously dosent show up in bloodwork.  I don’t know, but neither does anyone else, so unless someone can show me come concrete and tangible thing I can understand, I’m not changing my life drastically.

One Step at a Time.  Still processing.

ps I’m glad I had a friend with me today to see the xrays and hear the doctor explain it, or else I wouldnt believe it either.

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