Tag: faith

Let me start by saying 17 hours and 11 minutes later, I am sure that was the best racing experience of my life.  Having accomplished 50 miles previously in less than 12 hours on a fairly technical course, you can imagine how technical this course was to have taken me that long.

After the 6^th lap I was at about the time I’d finished JFK, I had another 2 laps to go to get to 50, and although still on track for accomplishing 100k w time to spare, it was very much not a priority as much as a fleeting idea or matter of fact that I was completely ready to ignoring entirely.

I made a lot of promises to people who care about me and matter to me, and most of all to myself about listening to my body and just enjoying the experience – nothing more.

First of all – the folks at  Athletic Equation  put on a second to none organized event with the best support crew and food I have ever experienced – with round the clock cooks providing a terrific spread to a support staff that knows you and takes care of you every minutes.  I had nothing to worry about.  I cant say enough about all of them.

At the pre-race dinner-meeting a lady got up and told a story.  I couldn’t hold back the tears.  You know I went into this having been sick for many weeks with three different doctors having no idea why – and subsequently being insufficiently trained to say the least.   And her words touched me deep to my core, they were just what I needed to hear and they reaffirmed that I’d made the right decision showing up despite all of the suggestion that I shouldn’t.  This lady understood – I hoped we’d get a chance to talk, and little did I know, we would…

So I had no big expectations.  I was happy just to be there.  From minute I arrived it was a great experience (minus the camping which just isn’t my cup of tea).  I knew the area and had enjoyed the trail on a few recent occasions, and was happy to just walk it.  I got NO sleep the night before (note the camping comment) and ended up calling my poor husband at 11pm and begging him to drive two hrs and come lay w me to help me try to rest.  He did show up which is so nice but needless to say we were both too uncomfortable to sleep.  Lesson learned – next year (YES I PLAN TO DO IT AGAIN) , I’ll stay in the bunk dorm not a private cabin – OR a nearby hotel.

Anyways, up at the crack of dawn welcomed by a nice breakfast but no appetite.  This [state of no desire to eat] maintains for the next 20 hours – I don’t want to eat anything and if you know me, you know that I normally have an INSATIABLE appetite all day every day.  But nothing appealed to me (not that it didn’t look and taste and smell great  and I just had no urge to eat anything.  I think my focus was mostly on drinking enough, but for some reason  I can never really judge my intake on my own.

This is a good time to start talking about the importance of a crew.  I remember in my first ultra (50k) I’d separated from my team and was in such a groove I had no desire to do anything but run – I felt great and ran past aid stations w out even stopping – although achieving a PR that has never been even close to  broken – I became severely dehydrated and could have killed myself (but felt great ).

Then in my first 50 Miler Steve kept bringing me food all day – then in the last 15 or so miles, I had zero sense of anything  – pain, distance, time, depth perception – and of course thirst and hunger – My trainer just kept asking me questions and telling me what to eat and drink.

Last night was very much like this.  The crew would check my bag and tell me what I need and I just listened (well mostly I did).

Around 50k Jean  showed up.  She brought me a gluten free pizza (which ultimately was one of the only things I would eat the whole time) and the most mouth watering brownies I have ever eaten that she fixed for me.

She also brought me things I’d never even thought of like a reflective belt, extra batteries, a hand-held flashlight (that was very bright and ended up being my main light source rather than the headlamp) and so much more.  She took over the role of monitoring my intake and telling me what to do and I tried to listen.  ((she also joined the race crew and helped many other people))

At first I told her “Sorry you came all this way but I’m done, my race is over”.  After 30 miles of running strong and happy and painfree (averaging a sub 2 hr loop each time), I’d landed wrong on a rock and twisted my ankle badly.  She took off my shoe and iced me and started talking to me.

She asked me where my ‘enjoyment level’ was – she got me to really look at what I was doing and why and how did I feel.

We decided to do a loop together and take it one step at a time and reevaluate after.  But first, we iced it and wrapped it and did a little stretching.

The loop went well – not even much slower than the last 5.   More importantly, we ran into Felecia, the girl who spoke the night before.  The three of us became an  item 😉

For the first several hours of the race Felicia was in the top 10, and on the road to at least 100k if not 75, with time to spare.  But she’d just landed wrong like I did, and aggravated her IT band, and if you check out her blog I posted on my page, you’ll see that she has too much planned to risk anything now.

So there we both were – reassessing what we were shooting for and why, moment by moment, evaluating risk and deciding accordingly.  We both felt like we could go again and we did – slowly.  We talked and talked!

The moon was a sliver and the stars were twinkling high above the towering treetops in the cool spring night air.  The sound of the water ever in the background like white noise.  Animals were shifting around in the leaves in the dark.  We saw everything from snakes to moles and lizards – and well,  my peripherals played tricks on me and made tree stumps look like black bears.

For lap 8 Charlie showed up.  We really couldn’t have done this lap w out him.  This was 8 for me and 9 for Felecia.  The track had gone through a lot w/ all the crazy recent storms we just had and even knocked out bridges and creating a few hazards and spots that you literally had to leap over to get by.  At this point when we reached rocks and slopes that we’d previously sailed through, Charlie stood and gave us a hand one by one as we came around the loop one last time in roughly three and a half hours – more than twice as long as it took earlier in the morning.

When the clock struck 12 we all cheered in the night.  We’d made it to the next day.  We discussed it and agreed that neither of us felt the need to go any further and that we were pleased with what we had done.  We knew people would say “But Felecia, only one more loop to 100k” and “Kirsten, you have two more in you” – and we both knew those things were true, but it didn’t matter, we were happy and at peace w our decision to cross the lap finish one more time and no more.  We will use prudence, she said.  And we agreed.

I was happy the whole time.  No regrets, no stress – just happy – even when I had pain at the very end.    Thats just it – you’ll need bravery, tenacity, loyalty, strength – you’ll need so many things – then mix in PRUDENCE, and proceed.

And when we got back to my cabin to clean and pack, I found a beautiful big banner decorated by Jean with loving messages all over it.  All I could do was cry joyfully.

I have a half at the end of the month and another 50 miler one month away, neither of which I currently think are going to happen and I’m ok with that.  I’m very much ok with everything turning out however it is supposed to – almost Zen-like peace – and I don’t even need to know or plan – I can just BE.

Psalm 46:10