What a weekend! First 100k, in just under 20 hrs – and yeah, I sprinted to the finish line, and its uphill 😉

In looking back at last yrs ATR24 recap, I can say that much of today’s report is similar. I got to see Cori and Rachel again and meet a few other cool people. The Athletic Equation team is second to none and make you feel like a super star and part of the family the entire time. I made a few new random friends, as we always seem to do during an ultra – especially when there isn’t a soul to see other than yourself and one other person as far as the eyes can see. It is a whole different dynamic and breed of relationship when you share these adventures with others.
Oh, and a pre-race dinner with my friend Josh and loads of gluten free pasta and just enuf wine to help me sleep in the stupid cabin – and one cool thing that happened impromptu, I got to do a dry run on the trail the day before with my friend Charlie as he marked the trail for the race, and I helped a little bit with that. I cant tell you how much that helped me know my way the next day! Thanks guys for the encouragement etc.
I did most of my laps alone though, and enjoyed the solo time with my own thoughts and enjoying what I like to call Trail Treasures….

I feel God in every tiny beautiful flower or butterfly.
Steve did of course show up and do lap 8 with me, just as it began to get dark – and thankfully showed up with a light source much better than what I’d brought. I was thankful for the effort of the long drive and just being there for me 😉 then he had to go back home to the kiddos.
Then I did 9 alone. Then I met a friend that I did the better part of lap 10 with. His name was Manuel and was on his 12th lap, and had driven all the way from Ontario.
As we were in the last mile (which takes a good 20 minutes in the pitch dark after 20 hrs of running and hiking) we discussed if we would keep going. We knew we would have 4 more hours before the race closed. 4 hours is more than enough time to finish two laps in the day light on fresh legs, but not so much in the dark when exhausted. So should we go for one more? This would put him at 126k and me at 110. Then I’d be one away from 75 miles w/out enough time……”I need a break” I said – He sounded like a little disappointed kid in a store “OK”. I laid down, I didnt get up until 3.5 hrs later, the race was nearly over…and it was over for me.
Maybe if I had 5 hours – maybe if I just hadn’t taken those two long 30 min breaks – I would have taken the risk – I did manage to average a 90 minute loop (my longest was technically 2 hrs) but those couple of breaks…. ((usually spend picking rocks out of my shoes, going to the bathroom, refreshing glide, eating & waiting for Steve etc) pushed me to the point that 4 hours didn’t seem like it would be long enough for two laps….
I wanted to finish at 100k or 75 miles. Not 110k 😉 It doesn’t have to make sense. Hell, after 20 hrs on your feet, nothing makes sense really. And I did hallucinate a little bit in loop 9 (first time since JFK50). I couldn’t remember what Ryan (who trained me for my first ultra a few yrs ago) told me back then I needed to do or eat or whatever to resolve it, so I just told myself, The things youre seeing aren’t real, and kept going.
Then I resisted jumping in my car after all that running, like I did last yr – and I went and laid down in the cabin. As uncomfortable as I was, I was able to pass out quickly.

A few take aways & tips (skip this if you never plan to ultra):
– When youre running a technical trail – keep your eyes on your next step. That’s it. I personally would rather run face first into a tree or another runner than miss my step and wipe out on a root or rock or stump.
As you grow tired, its all the more important to just watch your steps – especially when its dark.
– Do NOT be distracted by every little thing. Snakes, animals rumbling around – noises, flickers — stay focused (ADD).
I cared less and less about bugs, snakes and spider webs as the night went on. I saw disgusting things. At night in the woods there are so many insects. There are slugs of mega proportion coming out of the water and onto the rocks that are getting slippier and slippier (yes I Just made that word up).
– Be wise to your personal nutrition needs and tolerances. I personally could not handle the sodium intake of Tale Wind – I was swollen and had lost all sense of thirst and hunger. I had to dilute it and go for straight water –and now that I think of it, I do the same thing with Gatoraide – so maybe, if you find your hands swelling or belly distending, just stick to water. I only did one GU the whole time and ate very little. THANK GOODNESS FOR FRIENDS AND CREW TO KEEP ME ON TRACK THERE!
– Watch the color of your pee and keep track of how often youre going. Gross right – but important. If youre properly hydrated, you should pee often.
– Tie your shoes TIGHT. Yep. You don’t want your feet sliding around – especially with lots of inclines. Wear good draining socks. *Smart wool*
– And lastly – for hilly courses, I have found (and this is opposite of most of the runners – which is why I spent so much time alone) – if you have a choice, going up the hill is better than going down them – I promise. Even today, I can run up the stairs, just cant hardly walk down them. And when you are climbing, hunch over like an ape and swing your arms (thanks Ryan for this tip that has saved me a million times).
That’s it for now I guess.

In closing, I finished 7th female overall (w the next female 3 hrs behind me and the next one an hr behind her)

I went into today’s 50k hoping for a 5 minute PR. That is what I had set in my head. With my next 24Hour Ultra only two weeks away, and a goal of 100k, I didn’t want to overdo it, yet I didn’t want to NOT PR.

The course was beautiful. It is normally in June but they moved it to April because of the heat (yet it was 80).
The woods are covered in blooming flowers in the Spring and it was just so lovely.

I was 16 into it in just under 2.5 hours. By the time I got to 20 I was pacing to come in under 6 hours. WAY under 6 hours – even if I padded on lots of extra time incase I ever hit a wall (I never did) or needed to take a sick break or do a lot of walking in the end (plus there was a great deal of steep hills yet to come), I’d still be PRing by an hour. I was blown away.

There were many moments that I had to face things that terrify me. Let me explain. I’ll throw in a little supporting data point. I suffered TBI over 15 yrs ago. Subsequently, I have equilibrium issues – hence I fall. I can go UP hill, all day, any day – no problem. But doing downhill is very difficult for me. This is when I have fallen on the trail in the past. Once I fell going down Bull Run Mountain on a training run and broke my hand. Last year, at this race, I fell and gashed open my knee, resulting in my first DNF.

So – Terror No. 1 Running Down Hill. And this course, is not only very hilly (a little over 3k total elevation gain), but it was muddy and technical, with roots and boulders galore.

Terror No. 2 Boulders. They scare me. I have night terrors over them. Sometimes I lucid nightmare about them and jerk awake just before my head hits them. During my first 50 Miler, I hallucinated them (yes really). So yeah, boulders.

Terror No. 3 – Ok its not a terror –Im just not a fan of balancing over narrow things – and bridges. In this course, there are river crossings, where you have to either run over a flimsy narrow bridge with only one railing, or literally you just have to go over a tree that is knocked down over the crossing. And with people behind you, you just have to GO.

Speaking of fearing the fall – I actually saw the EMT who drove the jeep and taped me up last year – as well as the kid who marked my bib right before I fell, and called the EMTs. They both remembered me and we had a little laugh over it.

You get it. I had to deal with things I was afraid of. It felt good to do that. I also saw a snake, but I almost always do out there and they don’t really scare me – not as much as spiders 😉
Oh yes lets get back on track here (youre about to see the pun in that).

I get to an aid station around 20 miles. Im feeling really good about my time and potential PR. As I am leaving the station, I just take off with a few guys, w out looking at their bibs and without even looking up and noticing that there was a fork. And no one was standing there directing folks according to their bib color, which is typically the case. So I just gave away how this turns out I get, but I’ll just keep going (another pun).

I’m so excited about my time and pace, and feel so great, I start sprinting, uphill. Passing everyone.
I get to the top of the hill, and I realize, Ive been here. And sure enough, the person marking bibs (there are several deadends where you turn back. She says, You’ve been here. And I’m like WHAT.
So yeah, I ran an extra TEN miles.

Goodbye PR. At least officially. The official time for me will be 7:26 – and it wont say 41 miles, it will say 50k. So no credit for the extra miles and no PR ((officially)). But I did make a point to notice my time when I got to 32 miles, and if I’d crossed the finish line at that time, I’d have PRd over 90 minutes. If I even pad in lots of time for climbing and walking, I’m still coming in around 6 hrs (my PR is 7:02)

AND – I even said to myself, Wait wow – this is cool – If it took me two hours to run 8 more miles, that’d be a 9 and a half hour 50 miler. Not bad self, Not bad (considering my 50 Mile PR is just under 12).

I do not feel bad. I have a story to tell. It didn’t turn out the way I had planned, and I didn’t really need to run 40+ miles two weeks before my attempt to run 100k, but Im proud of myself.

*Here’s how awesome I look after a 40 mile run*

I hope I can get all these blisters lanced before Athletic Equation.

I’ll report in after I finish and let you know how far I get 😉

Last year about this time, I bailed on a half because it was a week before my #ultra – and although it would be a good training distance, I didn’t want to a) make the effort of traveling to the race location & dealing with the logistics for such a short distance and b) I didn’t want to risk injury.

Similarly, I just sold my Cherry Blossom 10 Miler bib, as it is a week out from my first of two ultras in the next few weeks.

I’d really like to get to the finish line of both races in once piece so I can check that box and move on to speed work for the summer, into the fall – when I attempt my first BQ.
I do feel slightly sad I wont be running it, but will get over it quickly Im sure. The medal will be pretty, as was the half I bailed on, but – hey – its not all about the medals right…OK, I would like both medals, but whatever.

Oh how I just want it to be #race day!!

I did just hear that I’m having a romantic training run date on Sunday on the C&O Canal towpath…complete with a picnic etc. Some girls dig dressy dresses and fancy dinners – and I don’t complain about those of course, but I cant think of a better date than this!! Wonder how far we’ll go *punny*

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So that and, I watched the Reese Witherspoon movie, Wild, chronicling the adventures of a girl who stepped out of life for a bit and walked a trail from Mexico to Canada, during my plane ride home from California a few weeks ago. And of course I decided – Hey I want to do that. But I want to do it from one end of the Appalachian trail to the other (Georgia to Main) – approx 2,000 miles. No biggie. I figure it would take around 2 months?
Maybe I can get my husband to join me?? This is probably something I have to wait for my kids to be off to college to do…just a few more years I guess.
😉

I do hope everyone is doing well and taking positive strides in the right direction – one step at a time
Xoxo

K

Any runner who tells you that they dont care about their time or Its just a training run or they dont need a DNF is a fucking liar.
Honestly.
Yes my full last week was to get ready for my 50k in a couple weeks, which is right before my 24 Hour.
And yes, I’m going to switch gears from endurance to speed after that and focus on attempting to BQ in the fall.
BUT –
I care.
I care how I did and how I didnt do.
Of course Im glad I came in under 5. This is my third time running this race. I hate this race. And they keep changing the course and making it worse than it was the year before. Hills – ghettos – mudd – stupid.
There was even a point on a turn around where I just stopped and looked at the mile marker (20) and wasnt sure I was going in the right direction. It was the worst feeling.
Part of me was glad we got rained on the entire time. Its almost as if Im determined to find new ways to punish myself…I dont know. Some runners were wrapped in plastic or whatever. I had no interest in this. I gave no meaning to the word soggy. I even took my coat off midway through and just kept going. 4:45 Oh well. Its about an hour too slow for Boston, and 20 minutes slower than my PR.
I do know though, that from the minute I parked until I got back in my car, I covered over 50k in under 6 hours which brings my expectations for NorthFace to a whole new level.
Again – Im thinking I might PR.
I just ordered TailWind which I have been meaning to do forever and a half. Better late than never I guess.
So new shoes and new fuel w out training. Its almost like I’m trying to sabotage myself?
Not really.
I just want to do well.
It all amounts to nothing really. But I really do want to kill this race. This is the one that I wrecked my knee on last year.
Currently both knees are jacked up – not because of running (which is a common false assumption) but because of non-run-related occurrences — one involved a wet floor in a grocery store – anyways – my knees are so bruised and scarred its nasty. Dont look. Thank God for pantyhose. As if.
Well that is a lot or rambling for one night. One of my midgets is beside me in bed writing too. You know what they say about the apple falling from the tree and all….
I wish my boys ran. At least my dog runs. Speaking of dogs, I miss Poydras so much.
OK really this has ended 5 or 6 times already.
Spin and barre in the am tomorrow. Not sure about Thursday, other than its supposed to be nearly tropical outside, so Im likely to take a long run – then Friday my barre instructor is going to hit he trail with me.
My life is in an odd place – where I dont know where Im going or what the point is – but I feel oddly excited – sort of like that Christmas Eve feeling when you look wicked forward to the next day, but dont want the excitement to end? Sorry world for being so hard to tag down, a bit rude and honest with a touch of asshole.
And thank you world for loving me anyway…old friends and new – bonus surprise friends etc xoxoxo
~K~

Last year I had RnR DC Full, ATR24 and Northface 50k lined up back to back, to officially get #MarathonManiac status. I completed the first two, but it didnt work out with my DNF ala Knee Injury via fall at NorthFace. So, Im trying again.

Today I finished the first of the three at full #7, where I didnt PR or even make my goal, but at least I feel fine afterwards and I did a sub 5. The schedules for the ATR24 and NF50k are actually swip-swapped this year, which is ideal, because, so long as I dont fall and wreck myself, I can use the 50k as a training run for the 24, which I plan to accomplish at least 100k, if not 75 miles – rather than the 50 miles I did last year.

It rained on us the entire time today, there were tons of puddles, including mudd, and the course just gets worse and worse every year with some strategic placement of every possible hill in the city of DC, but always up, and never down…why the hell could we not have been doing in the other direction!!?

I didnt come home to a card or flowers – but I did get wine, chocolate and best of all, pizza 😉
Oh, and Epsom salt for a bath later!! (oh and he went to the grocery store for me so double win)
Even though I knew good and well he couldnt come today, as he had too much going on with the kids etc, part of me is always looking for him – its a personality flaw. I will notice family members and significant others and the efforts they go though to show their love. He has probably come to half my races, at least half of the big ones, and he has done some pretty thoughtful things to be supportive – so I cant take that away.
I also look at all the supporters, I always do and try to say thanks but today I really felt so blessed by them all, both the staff and spectators and Im thankful for them – they are the best part of the race.

I prefer a trail over a street race any day but that one piece, the cheering fans and their funny signs and things they do, is missing on the trail. In cities sometimes the residents sit on their porches with music or they serve coffee and/or beer etc – it is so cute and nice. Some of today’s highlights included, the Presidents from the National’s Stadium, a guy in bunny pjs, an amazing drumming band under a bridge (what an unmatchable sound they made), the Incredibles Guy who always has great music; and lots of great bands, and lots of clever Pi related signs today (3/14/15).

I will say in closing that all DC races suck logistically and are so enjoyable in terms of finding our car or getting out of the darn city, whether youre braving the roads or the metro, that I always tell myself I’ll never do it again – and yet, I do.

When this series is over, I will have the entire summer to switch from ultra-mode to speed-mode in hopes of closing out the year with a BQ at my final 2015 race, a full in NY in October. I’d like to be as far-reaching with my personal and spiritual goals as I am with my running-goals in hoping to be so comfortable and confident with myself that I come to a peaceful resolution in my ability to react to things that are out of my control AND make what might be a huge career change as well.

We will see…

Three weeks from today I’m running marathon #7 in the last 4.5 yrs. Four weeks later I have 50k #4 and then two weeks later I try to run at least 100k in 24hrs #2, maybe more (75 would be cool). And yet, I haven’t run longer than 10 miles since September. I have run 8-10 miles a few times, maybe once or twice a month the last few months, but really not much more than that. I do one mile with my dog, or 5k on the elliptical, but that’s all. I have been spinning a few times, for an hour at a time, pretty hard core. And Ive also done barre a few times, and really dig it. And now it is hitting me, I don’t know if I can do any of this.
I have had this kind of feeling before – but now Im just being realistic. I have been an advocate for cross training over base-mile training – but then, my track record isn’t one that really shines brightly with success. I have had injuries and different sorts of bumps along the way.
Still I am going to try all of this. The weather is definitely not cooperating to get those base miles in, and three weeks out, I cant really push it at this point anyway. Oh, and, I managed to tweak something a week or so ago in my left knee (from spinning, not running). I taped it and its ok now.
I actually did a fast 5k today and yesterday on high resistance on the elliptical and then rowed a bit. I have managed to not put back on very much of the 20 pounds I lost a few months ago (maybe 5 or so, it varies), which is helpful and encourages me.
One other barrier/challenge besides the weather is that its College Recruiting time so I am on the road quite a bit – one adventure after another – I trust Monday’s trip will be one for the storybooks, that is – if I can get out of my driveway…lots of shoveling yet to do. But anyways, I guess that is why they put gyms in hotels right – you know – just for me and my race training – right!!
Ok that’s it. If I would stop rewarding myself for my daily trips to the gym with chocolate/cheese/wine then maybe I’d lose that last couple of pounds – but, that hasn’t happened yet – so – I guess I’ll just keep on keeping on and hope for the best.
I hope to report back with some great race stories soon! Maybe even one or two PRs and a year that closes out with a big fast BQ (I just want the tattoo)!!!
Be Well All,
<3 K

I realize no one is reading this. I find it funny, a little, whatever that means, that Im even bothering.
I have written so much shit lately and not posted it, but Im going to post this. It will be the most private and vulnerable thing I have ever written.
As a small child I can remember telling myself not to look into the crowd at my choir concerts because he wouldn’t be there. Or my highschool graduation, or the mailbox on my birthday. But I always looked.
I had a similar feeling a few times during races. For however many hours I was out there, I would scan the crowd. I probably always will. Its just a familiar feeling. Its so devastating though. Some would say its self-torture, masochistic even. Well not really.
But enough about that.
The point is I put too much on him, expected too much and expressed too much disappointment. This is how he now defends or justifies whatever it is that he is doing to fulfill whatever he needs. He was supposed to be the one. The one who would never hurt me, even if I deserve it.
And yet I keep trying and wishing and looking.
But only in my perspective.
It was broken before we started. The feelings were and are there – at least on my side – but feelings are meaningless and worthless. They certainly cant provide a foundation for much.
And so – today I ran – 7 miles in an hour. Maybe the fastest Ive run in a long time if not ever.
Im not as happy as I should be.
When it is all said and done and I’m ready to finally admit, if I even have the chance, that my second marriage ended very much like the first – in failure – that all the things I have left don’t amount to anything.
I am in a very strange place, half ran over and dieing – and the other half sickeningly inspired to do stuff and be ok. I know that I will – but right now Im in so much pain.

Oct 2015 is the 5 yr anniversary of my first Marathon. Oct 2014 was the 5 yr anniversary of my first race. I remember going into that first race (Army 10 miler) having never run more than 5 miles in my life and having really not trained at all, being certain there was no way I could do it….look at my crazy ass now.
I do a minimum of 4 races per year, with at least one full and one ultra. One year I did 10 (too many), but I usually average around 5, with one or two fulls and one or two ultra. This year will be 2 fulls, 2 ultra and one half.
Closing out 2015 I will have done:
– 4 5ks
– 2 8ks
– 5 10 milers
– 12 halves
– 8 fulls,
– 4 50ks
– 2 50 milers
– hopefully my first 100k (38 races totaling 728 miles)
Still no 100 milers and likely no BQ (unless Wineglass works out – as it is a qualifier).
Point is – and someone reminded me of this, this am. My latest tattoo means “though I have not yet achieved my goals and am not who/where I should be, I press on”
I have to press on.
Good thing I have the rest of my life to achieve those goals. And that leads me to some non running type info.
The past week has been literally the hardest of my life. Probably closer to 2 wks.
Regret is a worthless emotion. I remember a younger, naive version of myself that truly said she had none of these, frankly because I’d yet to experience life. Now I have so many [regrets].
The way to process this worthless emotion is to know that spending precious time wishing for the power to do things different or better is indeed a waste given that the person who you were at the time of the mistake was less wise than the person you are now.
All the shit we go through in life can makes us bitter or better, depending on how we learn from it and process it.
I set up these race schedules every year and I’m not sure exactly why, but challenge is one of the very basic things we can crave and enjoy in life – preparing for them gives life meaning and accomplishing them is satisfying, particularly when you are rewarded or recognized for it.
In the same way, I am now faced with my greatest challenge ever. Its almost been a 15 year long endurance race. It is my marriage. It is my family. It is my life. And I refuse to fail.
God help me please. I cant do this without you. Im focusing on me: my health, my spiritual strength, mental clarity, jobs – relationships. The better me that I am the better part of any relationship I can be – and with that – I have to just trust and have no fear.

2015 – let this be the yr you do something you have never done.
I plan to save my fucking marriage. Or let him go gracefully. However I am lead and whatever is meant to be. In a faithful, loving, better, not bitter spirit.
Beauty.

Luke 1:37
Mark 10: 27
Phil 4:13