Just Jon Being Jon

There isn’t a long list of people many of us can say we have known since they were born.   Or for 40 years.  Or loved that entire time.  It is a short list.  Someone we can look back to our furthest memories and they were there.  All the ups and down and moves and vacations and pets and moments.  That’s our siblings.

And one of mine is gone now.  My little brother Jonathan.  ‘Joffanin”

He was talented, artistic, musical, funny and easy to talk to.

I have never seen a father or parent for that matter, play more with their kid.  And the very few of us who knew him would say it was partially because he was a little bit of a kid himself still.

He looked up to Buddy, who was always looking out for him.  We all were really.  He was born sick and had a host of health issues most of his life.

Jon was the sweetest little kid.  Easy to make laugh and quiet most of the time.  He was also the kid who couldn’t run fast and didn’t get picked on teams.  He would fall asleep in class or write on the desk.  He didn’t goof off or back talk but he also didn’t do his work.  It became just Jon being Jon.

For a good while he was inseparable from David when we lived together.  Later he was two peas in a pod with Jamie.

He loved the Beatles.  And he loved the Red Sox.  Those things never changed.

Jon could talk about sports and music non-stop and was a walking encyclopedia of knowledge on both subjects.  His humor was dry and his wit was quick.

The older he got, the clearer it was that he had a certain kind of struggle in day to day that never had a label but it was always there.   Adam and I have discussed how some of us have luck and good fortune and others just don’t.  Not that we haven’t all faced struggles, but Jon just couldn’t get out of his  own way.  My parents never stopped taking care of him, for 40 years. < more in the last year than you could ever imagine and I hope no one ever has to see or go through what they all did.  The little me and my boys saw was gut wrenching.

In his adult life he just managed to end up going through things most people never go through and are more like what you’d see on tv and not think the person could survive.  He did though. For a while.

And he just kept going, for his boy.  It got to the point near the end when we just wanted all his suffering to stop.  And this week it finally did.

We talked more in the last few years, especially after he got sick.  He would call or text and it always came back to his son Caleb.  He had so many dreams for him.  I really want them to come true.  So very much I hope for him.

And I really hope there is a Heaven and that he is there.  I know that may sound odd for me to say,  its how I feel today.  I don’t know how it  works.  I don’t know if he can see the people he loved.  But I am imagining he can.  This is the most I have ever cried and it hurts so  much.

Bye little brother.  I love you.

“And when I’m gone just carry on don’t mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice, just know that
I’m lookin’ down on you smilin’
And I didn’t feel a thing so baby, don’t feel no pain, just smile back”